Good Night

Hopelessness washes over the body; like rain in the spring; at first, a few drops land on your head, then those drop land on your arms. A sprinkle quickly turns to a steady down pour.

At first the rain feels good, cleansing. All too quickly you are getting soaked from head to toe, a chill sets in racing to steal the very warmth from your bones, making your teeth chatter and you run for cover.

Hopelessness washes over the body, quickly stealing your sense of confidence, causing you to question all that is, has been & yet too come.

Hopelessness washes over the body, forcing you to feel overwhelmed, spinning out of control, as if you had any control prior to this.

Into the darkness you fall, faster & faster, reaching, grasping for anything to stop the free fall, reaching for any hope, guidance to the light.

Cursing all the good in the world, all the bad.

Crashing into the bottomless pit, awash in self pity, awash in guilt. How could this have happened? What can I do to stop this madness?

All you can do is lie on the bottom looking up, around & down at your body; MOVE NOW your mind screams. Your mind grappling for control, balance.

Crying, screaming into the eternal darkness, thrashing, bashing against the hidden barriers that confine you.

Your voice going hoarse, your flesh quivering, goose bumps rise in the darkness & look to consume your flesh from head to toe.

As you lie in the bottomless pit, your voice gone, the shouts long since having faded, your fists bloodied, the flesh of your heels having been ripped away in anguish & torment.

Hopelessness begins to devour the unconsumed flesh, your tears have long since dried, the dry heaves having finally quieted.

Very quietly you lie there, frozen in place, unable to move. Your heart thundering so loud that it threatens to deafen you. Your mind finally accepting what is, has been, & to come.

Your mind finally accepting the darkness, the sense of hopelessness.

Very quietly you hear a whisper, almost so soft at first you think that your mind is rapidly losing what ground it has left.

The whisper grows louder, your heart seems to stop in anticipation. Your flesh grows quiet, your breathing grows shallow.

The whisper continues to grow loud, "What is that I hear?" "Whose voice do I hear?"

Finally the whisper has become a shout, so loud that you fear it will continue to bounce off of the dark barriers that threaten to contain you forever.

All to soon, you turn your head, at first to the left, then to the right. Confusion settles in, the direction of the voice is unknown, yet all around.

You finally manage a very hoarse scream, all to soon the voice stops, the darkness quickly rushes in to reclaim it's prize.

Your mind accepting that the voice was only an hallucination, it was not real.

Hopelessness washes over your body once more.

Your eyes begin to close, your body curling up tighter & tighter into a ball. You want to make your self so small that you will never be hurt or make those mistakes again.

Your breathing begins to slow, your heart seems to slow. So slow have these become that you fear you may never hear those sounds again.

Your mind, finished playing tricks, starts to accept what your will tells it.

You begin to accept & find comfort in the darkness.

You find your self welcoming it, the eternal darkness. Quietly you move your arms outward as if to welcome it, the eternal darkness into your arms.

Somewhere it occurs to you that there was help all along, this did not have to happen like this.

That voice was your saviour, trying to help you, trying to give you another way out.

So quietly you mentally brush these thoughts aside and take that final step outside your body.

Never once looking back.

Never caring anymore.

No more tears

No more pain

No more hurting others

No more haunting memories

No more emotions

No more thrashing

No more, No more, No more.

It is done.

Finally