Random events with unrandom results

Ever wonder why certain things happen in your life at specific times or do you just assume that everything being eventual leads random events.

As for me I tend to run somewhere in between these two; random and specific. I also believe that there is a higher power: God.

Assumption leads to faith based upon facts. I used to say, quite arrogantly, If I cannot touch, see or feel it doesn't exist.

Recent events in my life (within the last decade, so, I guess not so recent) have shaped and changed my thinking on the topic. If one were to sit an think about all of the random things that happen in their life as well as all of those feelings of deja' vu, besides a major headache, the only thing left to try to make some semblance of order and a sense of things would be that a higher power more than likely had be involved.

Everyone has different versions of the same thing: God. Or there are those that subscribe to the Wicca religion, as well as others that think there is nothing other than our own actions causing reactions. That said, there might be some truth to all of these things. Ever hear the old saying: "History is a great predictor"?

As of this date, I believe that our actions cause future reactions, as well as the belief that there is a higher power in control. I need to believe in God. It would be the only sane reason for events in my life. There seems to be far too many connections to be passed off as merly coincidence or random chance.

Pride and arrogance are difficult things to acknowledge and overcome. I see a very fine line between the two.
A lot of people have some sort of pride as well as others with a great deal of arrogance. It takes a strong sense of self to recognize them both. With pride, one never knows for whom the action helps, generally the motives behind their pride would be self gain or self acculations.

With pride you get the range of pride in a job well done all the way to feeling superior to others. The pride with arrogance, two of the deadliest 'sins'. On average, everyone tends to be somewhere in the lower to middle of this spectrum. In the corporate world you tend to see the middle to upper end.

Then there are those with a stubborn sense of pride, ever hear this: "I don't need help, I can do it myself" or that they are frustrated in that they cannot do something that previously came to them easily. I fall into both of these areas. I was raised with a strong sense of Independence, my mother, to the dismay of others, only took help from others when it suited her. She also had a similar sense of independence. It appears to be true in that we inherit more from our parents than some of us would like.

For years I believed that I could do just about anything myself.

Asking for assistance to complete some tasks was virtually unheard of. At times I would rather work myself to death rather than ask for help.

In recent years I have been forced to, much to my dismay, rely on others to help me with various things. I was forced to watch my world shrink. Every thing I tried to do I was forced to reconsider or it took twice as long to accomplish tasks that previously I could accomplish with very little effort.

I have been racking my brain as of late, trying to figure out why some things are happening to me in recent years. After many days of pondering a range of theories, I came up with bupkiss.

One theory kept coming to me, it was weird, almost as if everything in this world was silently screaming at me. Faith, Hope and love. Without my Faith I would not have been able to hold out for any hope, much less love. Interesting isn't it? That one leads to another. That with out faith there isn't much room for hope to bloom or love to prosper.

I believe in those three words so much so that I had them tattooed on my body. A permanent reminder if you will. Without those three words I don't think that I would have survived the past year. Sounds almost too dramatic doesn't it? Well, if not survive physically then perhaps mentally. Depression has been on rise in our world as of late. The wars that rage on, the plummeting economy, and the many things that would be too numerous to mention here. The feeling of hopelessness seems to prevail. Especially with me.

I see things around me, take less for granted. Feel more empathy for others. I now understand alot more than I used to. There was a time that I took almost everything for granted. The common thought that 'it will be there tomorrow'.... As a student of life, I have been afforded the opportunity to see things around me without the rose tinted glasses. At my darkest hours there almost always has been someone doing something that I might not have previously noticed.

General things that we typically do not think twice about; opening the door for someone, letting another car pull into your lane, saying something silly just to get a reaction, and on and on. When I first had problems with my mobility I thought that I would take care of it myself, that I did not need help. After all, my past actions had some serious future reactions. I tire of telling the story of what happened, I also tire of others telling me that I am too young to go through this. As if I can unwind time to somehow tell myself not to be so damn stupid. Alas, there appears to be no way of accomplishing such a task, besides, I wouldn't change a thing. Why would I? Just for the pain? The lessons that I have learned greatly outweigh the pain. Or would it be to prevent addiction to pain pills? Naw, granted, it does more harm than good in the long run, the lesson I learned far out weighs the risk. Another thing that I still tire of hearing; that it is all in my mind. Wow, I cannot begin to describe the thoughts and feeling that went through me when I first heard that one. Other than the frustration that another doctor did not believe me or implying that I am seeking attention. After the anger cooled to a simmer, I was forced to consider all possibilities, perhaps it was in my head, perhaps I was looking for something that was lacking in my life. Something that stays in my mind often, as well as something that my mother used to always say; "quite faking it". She would say that when ever my sisters or I were sick, injured or whenever something was not right with us. Because of the later, I make sure that I over analyze my motives, my decisions and my life. I did see a therapist to rule out the 'all in my head' thing as well as the other possibilities. It all boils down to this; my pain is real, it took a doctor to actually sit down and really listen to me and my complaints. As for my other medical issues, it only took a doctor to perform a few tests to confirm that what I said was in fact true. Sounds simple doesn't it? Aside from finding a doctor to believe in you, the self doubt, the sense of betrayal and feeling like an outsider are constant in your forethought. I questioned my own sanity for a long time. What a relief it was to be told that your pain was real. I feel like I am beating a dead horse as the saying goes. I know that I have said this all before and most likely will again.
The point of all of these words are this; Nothing in life should ever be taken for granted. I have better understanding for people with physical disabilities, better understanding for the 'little' things that people do for others.
It occurred to me this past holiday season that as a society, we have damn near lost touch with the sense of community. Tell me, do you know your mailman's name? The cashier at the grocery market? How about the kids down the street that play in the street? What about the many other people that we come into contact with on a daily basis? To be perfectly honest, I couldn't. So, I made it a mission to answer some of these questions. Also, I thought if I am going to do this, I might as well keep going. Nothing that I have ever done was half assed. When I take on a task I usually sink my teeth in. I recall something that my maternal grandmother used to tell me; leave something better than you found it. It is these small things that go a long way. Try it sometime.

As for the rest, well, the lesson here to me at least, always remember that similar to an earthquake, your simple action has a reaction. Similar to the ground shaking from a distinct 'center' and spreading outward. I have found that when you make someone smile, even for a very brief moment, it tends to affect others. When you make someone upset or mad, it too, will affect others. Try it. Prove me wrong. Sounds almost too simplistic doesn't it?