Alice has fallen down the rabbit hole without acid

Among dumb things, among honorable things, among morons, among scholars. At some point in our lives we each arrive at a point in which we are required to make very difficult decisions. Hopefully, these points in our lives are minimal. For others however, some seem to arrive one after another. For those unlucky few, most have come to accept this as normal. Someone we all tend to turn to in times of hardship. Perhaps that person has become you, or at least know of someone in this situation.

For me, I seem to be the one members of my family tend to turn to, unless I make it clear that they are cut off. In my life I have had to make some very difficult, sometimes even horrible decisions. Alas, I have reached that pinnacle once more.

The last ten years or so, I have lived with pain in my lower back into my legs. Each year this has continued to worsen.

Within the last year I have had to make decisions to try to minimize this.
Once was a outpatient procedure, others in the form of ever increasing pills, yet another was actual surgery along with a "most comfortable" hospital stay. All in vain. All done in an attempt to minimize the levels of pain. As I am finding out, there seems to be many opinions on how to treat or lack thereof problems such as mine. Not to mention, my problem seems to be one of the most common. With only differences in degree of pain, levels (lumbar vertebrae) etc.
In my case, I tend to be one of most difficult to 'treat'. I have tried obtaining second, even third opinions.
Of those, I have only been told there was nothing that they could/would do for me. It was even suggested I make plans for care in the future. One doctor (name withheld) even told me that at least the pain will have mostly disappeared by the time I turned fifty or sixty. When pressed, this doctor explained that there will be no more discs & nerve endings to give me pain. How does someone respond to that? Flabbergasted, I left with very little said. Thinking to myself, I had to pay for THAT?

Of recent months, I have had a conversation with two doctors about this stimulator. It was explained very thoroughly. Not too mention my own research and advice from others both helping with their own research and others that have had this done.
Most of which I can sum up; either they hate or love it. Going into the test I had a pretty good idea of what to expect. One thing one should never rely on is a good idea. After going through the two hour long procedure to have this item temporarily inserted into my spinal column, it was turned on. A few of the descriptions of the feeling were described from a light tingle, gentle massage, to comparing it to sticking a 9volt battery on your tongue.

Well, my description would be along these lines; have you ever grabbed the end of a power cord touching the metal prongs while still half plugged into the outlet? Or perhaps received a jolt from an short in a cord? Well, I have, several times. This seems just like that. Coupled with that, the feeling of your legs, butt, feet, toes and back all falling asleep or perhaps that feeling when your limbs are just waking up from the state of numbness, Also, having those parts numb to the touch as well as private parts going numb. To say that it is not pleasant would be an understatement. For three days I have tried to find a 'comfortable' balance between the pain & this stimulator. Very quickly I realized that I would still have pain, no sensation of requiring the use of a restroom and on and on.

Now that this trial is almost over, I have to make a decision for my doctor. This week I have been all over the 'map' with this thing. Going from jubilation to deep depression. Earlier this week, I thought; "this doesn't seem to be so bad, perhaps I can live with these sensations." Followed by; "Whoa, this doesn't cover all the pain. I still need a backup." And finally; "This doesn't work well for me at all. I need to crank the dial up for the pain, the side affect; very difficult to walk & breathe, not too mention, trying to lay down makes the 'buzzing' escalate."

So, here I sit.....My options are down to none..... over time I have become depressed as I watch my world shrink. One day I realized that I have made changes without even noticing. The little things that we all take for granted, probably do over again without the slightest indication of the mechanics involved.

To try to reach a solid, well researched decision, I talked to the Rep who assisted in the implementation of the device, talked to physical therapy, read stories on the Internet of both the 'horror' & positive & everything in the middle. Kept a daily 'journal' of my experiment. Yet, with all of that, here I sit. I know that my options are rapidly dwindling. On one hand, I think that perhaps I should just have this installed & deal with the buzzing & numbness as well as still taking the meds. Or Do nothing, continue to deal as I had pre-test. I guess I will make a decision after the removal of said device, as well as comparing noted with my doctor. We shall see.

I am so Confused....... annoyed.......... depressed......... etc....