In a blink of an eye......

Recently I have had the uncomfortable experience of things changing in a blink of an eye. Let me start with yesterday as an example; So there I was, working on cleaning up the yard, trying to make it look decent. Then, feeling guilty about the dog having been locked up for a while, I let him out to play a bit of ball. (We have a game of tossing a tennis ball he retrieves & brings back) after a bit of this, he decided to take a breather. So at this point I decided that it might be a good time to get the post. Upon my returning, I notice that my dog is bleeding. Off I run to the vet with him to get stitches. Just like that, within a space of five minutes, life changed in a blink of an eye. Now he cannot play ball, go for walks or bathe for ten days. Not too mention the pills he must take for pain & to ward of the possibility of infection.

The other day, I recieved a message from a sibling that I have not spoken to in a while, somewhat surprised by the tone and obvious anger, returned the call once I had a moment. We managed to talk for about an hour. Trying to catch up. One of my sibilings told me that they were looking for our mother, whom has been out of touch for about twelve years. In a blink of an eye things changed. All of a sudden I felt the need to explain why I wanted no contact with her. All of a sudden I found myself explaining my anger, among other emotions. On top of all this, I felt betrayed, annoyed and sad. Betrayed, for my siblings having not told me of previous communications, annoyed that once more I had to explain my self & sad for things that could have been. Sad for the little boy somewhere inside of me that still wants his mommy to hold him, tell him everything will be alright. Sad for the way I was raised. Age seems to have some benefits, a better understanding of your parents, understanding of what they had to deal with. Even though I forgave my parents years ago, I cannot ever forget. Nor am I willing to reestablish communications with the sole parent still alive. (status of life or death unknown)
Not too mention the anger that seems to crop up if pushed to explain something to someone who should know exactly why I have the feelings that I do. While I have come to understand things a little more as I watch the struggles of others to raise children, I will never understand why, with all the relatives that lived within a stones throw from us, why no one ever tried to stop our mother, nor will I ever understand why our mother was able to pick and choose the help that she recieved.

In a blink of an eye life changes.

Talking to a friend the other day, trying to catch up as we usually do, eventually we talked about health concerns. Knowing that this person has a few medical problems, I try to understand, be empathetic, even sympathize. This friend told me that they were struggeling to make a desicion about whether to have a routine test to confirm the fact that they more than likely had cancer. Not only that, how to tell their spouse, family etc. Confusion settled in with me, I asked the obvious; how can you be so sure? To which I recieved the reply; several family members passed from cancer, also that this person was showing the same symptoms as their family members had. Not only that, I am further told, upon researching some of the symptoms, the various types of cancer their relatives (only two, types) had passed from, everything seemed to 'fall in place', I am told that things 'clicked'. Something deep inside told this person that this was true.
I thought of something that I had either heard or read somewhere awhile back; If you believe in something strong enough, convince yourself so thouroughly, you will end up with what ever you believe that you might have. After relaying this to my friend I was told that that was not funny. I may have mentioned that this was probably hypocondria. I tried to laugh it off. Unfortunately, I realized that what this friend was telling me was most likely true & that I was not a good friend for doubting. So I tried not to become that person who becomes overbearing, that person who feels the need to call every hour to be sure that everything is alright. I tried to bite back the words I wanted to say. I realized that the only thing this friend of mine needed was a shoulder to lean on. Someone to bounce things off of. So, with sorrow in my heart, I aggreed, I relented. As much as I love this friend, I did not want to be the voice of opposition. Their family members will be the voice of argument. As we hung up, I mentioned that if this person wanted or needed, they could contact me any time.

In a blink of an eye things change. A few months ago, my little sister called to tell me that she had breast cancer. The first surgery was to remove the lump. I was told that it wasn't cancer, a benign tumor. The second surgery was to remove the lumps that returned. Then, a few weeks ago, I was told that my little sister had another surgery to do a complete hysterectomy. My little sister is in her mid thirties, a wife, mother and friend.

In a blink of an eye, things change, things that were will no longer will be. The truth, circumstances, emotions, and understandings are all altered in a blink of an eye. Remeber to tell that someone that you love them, several times a day if needed. Remember to hold those you love, remember to find common ground with those you find irritable. Remember to live & love.


In a blink of an eye things change.